i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
