I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize