She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
