i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
