I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
