I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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