I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
