i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
