I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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