She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
