I could make wine with my vomit
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
