I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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