Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
