i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
