i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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