You smell like stripper and shame
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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