Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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