Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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