Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
and you fell through a lawn chair
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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