My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
