My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
