Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
