You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
