What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
