Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
