So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Watching her eat just hurts me
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
