I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
it's like heaven, but drunker
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
