so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I could make wine with my vomit
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
