You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
