i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
