Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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