you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
