Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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