I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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