Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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