can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We had to coat check the pizza.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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