He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
now i know why i became what i already was.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
