Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
