Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
