I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We have started to decorate penises.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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