My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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