All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
