I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
