You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
