i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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