I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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