At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
