i just had sex bonerless
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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