She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
