Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
