Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
