the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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