Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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