Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
